As I have been listening more to the Spirit of God lately and have been trying to seek his direction in how I should spend my time ministering to others, He has revealed one important thing to me. My mind has been too busy with things that don't matter and consequently as a result, that has spilled over into how I spend my time.
I left the business of being a professional pastor 9 years ago. When I left, I made no declaration of "how long" I was going to be out. Or "if/when I was going back in" (those were the words I used). You see I was paid to think about Jesus, albeit in a very structured specific way. And it was my job to come up with creative and innovative ways to get more people to think about Jesus come to our church.
I left the church and went into sales! The first year out I was too busy being confused and angry at God to care about how I was spending my time (you see I had trained to be a professional pastor and I was going to do that my entire life). Then for the next 5 years (years 2-6) I poured myself into pursuing the American dream! The dream of prosperity, possessions, position, and power. It was all in my grasp, all I had to do was pour myself into my career, work hard, network well and live responsibly. If I did this, I could attain all that I wanted (or all that I was told that I wanted) and be happy. By year 7 I accomplished it. I had a big house, a boat, a motorcycle, large income, big job responsibilities and influence within my company (I still have it all except the boat - sold that).
Then year 7 came and disillusionment hit. I wasn't enjoying my prosperity, possessions, position and power. They didn't bring me the happiness and dream fulfillment that I was promised! It all felt a little empty. I switched jobs and started asking God some hard questions.
Then last year (year 8), God woke me up! I wrote about it HERE. Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:
God has awakened my heart in the last several months and what I have discovered scares me a bit. While my soul was in a drunken slumber, blindly pursuing the “American dream,” I fear I missed some key moments in my journey. Moments that would impact my decisions to veer to the left or to the right at one of those defining forks in the road. So as a result of this renewed insight that I have not been living my life for my God, I have this sense of urgency to “make up for lost time.” The frustrating thing is….I don’t know what that means!!
It has been a year now and I have learned a little bit about what this means. God is gracious! God has called me into a bigger story than what I have been living, and I am not the main character! My life, my story is not about writing an autobiography, but rather it's about continuing the story that Jesus has called me to. To be his disciple and to go and do likewise to others. To lose myself in Him. This means that I have to invest my life when and where God wants me to. I need to stay awake and be alert so I can walk with my Rabbi each day and avoid buying into the lie again that my culture perpetuates.
I love this reminder from John Hayes book, sub-merge:
Where are we investing our lives today? In a culture that proclaims that greed is good and that exhorts us to muster the courage to be rich, it is easy to lose our way chasing wealth and justify it later as responsible living.
I lost my way for several years, blinded by the lie of the Matrix. Thank God I woke up before it was too late.
Think about the question, "Where are you investing your life today?" Prayerfully contemplating this question may bring you back to the truth again, or maybe for some it will draw you close for the first time. I know it has and continues to be a grounding question for me in my journey. So much so, that I know some things are going to have to change in my life as a result. Some radical things.
