MikeZook.com: 6 entries from April 2008

If you've followed my blog at all over the last 15 months, you will know that I have had several posts regarding my wrestling match over my beliefs about what it should look like to follow God and be the Body of Christ (the Church). Here are some things you should know about me, if you don't already, that have shaped some of my thoughts:

I am a verbal (external) processor. I tend to speak my mind in that given moment about the given topic.
I have not always landed on the belief that I am writing about. Sometimes I look at a topic/issue from the other point of view and debate it from that side in order to fully understand it.
My truth about how the Church should function; look like, smell like, live like, be like has shifted. God has poured new wine into a new wineskin for me.
God has deconstructed my false sense of security on the conventional style of doing Church.
I was spiritually asleep for 6 years. I woke up almost two years ago.
I love the Church. As dysfunctional as we are, I love her.
I don't like the institutional side the Church, the business side.
I don't shy away from asking the hard questions and unpacking the answers. I am o.k. with how uncomfortable it makes me (and others) feel. Ultimately I have discovered that I end up closer to the truth than I was before I asked the question.
I tend to have little patience with others, at times, when they are slow to see the things that I see. This is a leadership attribute that God is still developing in me.

Here is what I need to tell you. In all my wrestling and writing, my heart has been good in everything that I have written! If you can't see this, then please look past the words on the screen. I have been very transparent, sometimes too much, in my thoughts. I have been direct, sometimes too direct, in my language. I have been strong, sometimes too strong, in my position. But I have always had the end goal in mind which is to land in truth according to God's word and discover his plan for my life. Through this, God has also begun to heal my heart in all things that are his.

My intention of these writings have always been to explore the paradox, mystery, and tension that comes with following God. To ask the tough questions. To discover new truths in scripture. To hear God's voice in a fresh new way. To no longer accept the trite and simplistic answers to the tough questions of being a Christian and a member of the way of Christ that I (and most Christians) have either not recognized or have avoided.

What I have come to realize, by the grace of God, is that in my zeal to explore God's truth in myself and his church that I may have hurt or alienated some of you during this process by the things that I have written on this blog. And it is to this end that I want to say, "I'm sorry." Believe my heart when I tell you, "this was never my intention!"

What I realize is that my writing style has not always allowed you to join in on the conversation. Mainly because I am a hack writer that is putting first draft copy in my posts. For this I regret. I have always wanted to engage with others and allow others to feel safe to express their opinions in a healthy constructive way. I have also realized that this may not be the best forum to say some things.

If my words have been challenging to you and caused your relationship with God to become uncomfortable as a means to push you deeper into loving, serving, and living as Jesus, than I praise God for his grace in my clumsy language. If my words have offended you because of my style and approach and you have missed the heart behind my message then I again ask for your forgiveness.

That being said. I am going to take a couple weeks away from blogging to pray and ask God for a "new song" to post about on this blog. If you wish to dialog, but do not want to do so in the comment section click on the "email me" link to the left and shoot me an email. If you are brave enough, I have kept this open and safe, I invite you to make a comment by clicking on comments on the footer of this post.

Peace.