MikeZook.com

Truth, Lies and the Wake left behind

My friend Allison Spotts is now blogging at Marginalia. She has a very transparent post about the truth, the lies and the not talking... (she's very gifted writer by the way). Her post started with this quote:

“There is more beauty in the truth even if its dreadful beauty.  The storytellers twist life so that it looks sweet to the lazy and the stupid and the weak, and this only strengthens their infirmities and teaches nothing, cures nothing, nor does it let the heart soar.” –Steinbeck

I think I am much like you Ally in my "assassination tactics" of truth pursuant. Too many times I have loaded my verbal firearm with an arsenal of truth and begin to fire at something or someone in order to call out their truth that they so obviously (at least to me) are avoiding. I can be like a hound that has picked up a scent on a windy day that no one else can sense. And once I lock in on it, watch out, because I will pursue you the truth that is hidden under the veneer of denial and lies.

And, when the scent becomes stronger, the lies (or the hiding) become more obvious, and the sight of the veneer begins to peel away, I tend to become relentless in my hunt. I will mistakenly forget about the end goal at this point (which should be about caring for the heart of the person I am talking to, or about) and focus my attention, almost in a competitive, game-like mentality, to stop at nothing to win reveal the truth.

When I am in this state of mind, I do this dance of pursuit all because I want to relish in the truth (albeit my truth may be different than yours on any given topic). I want the truth to be revealed and understood for what it is and I am not inclined to give much thought as to how that truth will land on anyone that is near. And this is where the damage is done.

The wake left behind.

At the end of this hunt I may have caught up to the perpetrator of the scent, closed in on it, captured it, and exposed it for what it is (or I may actually drive it further away - never to be found again). But then what? Usually, I am left standing justified with the truth-in-hand, enjoying my virtuous state of being as I ponder the noble task that I have accomplished - exposing the truth. But that is all I have - the truth. And what good is the truth if it is not responsible for change, hope, love, peace and joy? Isn't it just empty truth then?

I find that when I have chosen this path of exposing the truth I usually do it at a cost. Relationship. Alienation. Damage. Self-denial.

This expenditure is partially because of my approach, but it is mostly because of our human tendencies to hide behind the veneer that we create in order to protect ourselves, from ourselves, and from others. We desire to be known yet we are afraid to let our true selves be seen by others (that means the good, the bad and the ugly). So we lie with our plastic truth and are left with only isolation, which is the ultimate lie that our enemy thrusts upon us.

Truth hurts sometimes, it is not easy. I just wish I could pursue this hard truth in my own actions, thoughts, deeds and words with with the same amount of vigor as I do in others. Or at least, I ought to be less ambiguous about my own shortcomings. Maybe I will learn to pursue truth with the same passion and intensity (both in myself and others), but do it with more love and grace as the forerunner to my quest. Either way I have a lot of room to grow in this area, like we all do.

Thanks Ally for your words. They have caused me to believe.

Photoblog

I have set up another site to upload some pictures that I take randomly. This site is a simple view of my day to day visual experience, or my personal photoblog. Unfortunately my life is spent in sales and I see more things in my daily life that I think, "Wow, that would make a great photo," and then I realize that I don't have my camera with me. I will try to post photos often on this new site.

I have no awards, no recognition, no publication, no training and very little skills in photography. But, I enjoy it. So if you know what you are doing, I welcome any comments and feedback on anything you see. If not, I hope you enjoy this photoblog and are inspired by something you see through my lens.

Click Here: Michael R. Zook Photography

Reggie McNeal: Part 2

Thanks to Brad Brisco, here is a second session from Reggie McNeal at the RCA:One Thing Conference.

Reggie McNeal: Changing The Scorecard

Reggie McNeal, a Missional Leadership Specialist, talks about Missional Church at the Reformed Church in America Conference. If you are wondering what Missional Church is then the 44:54 of this video is worth your time. If you already know what Missional Church is, and believe in it, then you will appreciate what Reggie says.

Here is one (of many) of my favorite points that he makes about 37 minutes into the video. The point, when thought about, "changes the scorecard."

"You can think of Church as a place where certain things happen. You can think of Church as a vendor of religious goods and services, or you can think of Church as a group of people on a mission with God. Who are living it out right where people are already living."

HT: Alan Hirsch

Devin is my teacher as much as I am his

My son Devin is 10 and will be entering the 5th grade next fall and from a Dad's perspective, these last ten years have gone by way too fast and I often want them to slow down. Devin is a good boy, not perfect, but good. He has always been honest, caring, loving, loyal, fair, kind and genuine in all his friendships. For anyone that knows him, you know this to be true. I wish that I could claim credit for this and attribute it all to be supreme parenting skills, but I can't. Oh, I have done a good job teaching him good values; honesty, self-control, respect, etc, etc. But there has always been something about Devin, something embedded in his DNA from his real Abba, which I have never had to teach him – Love for others. And it is through his love that Devin has now become my teacher. Let me explain.

As Devin enters the second decade of his life, he is learning to live with a new persona that seems to be more prominent in his world at this age. A guise that he never had to deal with before – Bullies. It seems in the last 6 months there have been a couple of bullies that have emerged in Devin's circle of friends; one from his school and one on his baseball team. You know the kind, the kid that is so insecure that he feels he needs to pick on kids smaller than himself in order feel any self-worth or significance. And this is usually backed up by parents that seem to perpetuate or condone this type of behavior. (Hug the kid already will ya!?!?)

I have had many conversation with Devin this year about how to handle bullies; when to fight back, when to stand your ground, what boundaries to draw and when to walk away. As his Dad, I am infuriated with these bullies dysfunctional behavior and I wish I could thump ‘em all on the head like Little Bunny Foo Foo picking up the field mice. But in all these situations Devin has chosen to stand his ground, not be intimidated and to not fight back.

Last week the bully on his baseball team attacked him in the dugout during a game by climbing on the top of the bench, getting behind Devin and kicking him in the back with his cleats. Devin got up and walked out of the dugout. He came back in a few moments later and sat back down. The bully honed in on him again and sat down next to him and punched him in the head. Devin looked at him and said, "I'm not afraid of you." So the bully, feeling more threatened, punched him in the chest. The coach saw it this time and got all over the kid and put a stop to it and talked to his parents after the game (I suspect that won’t do much good).

So when I found out about this I was very upset. Upset at this bully and upset that Devin didn't fight back and level the kid (just being honest)! So here is the conversation that transpired between Devin and me and where he became my teacher.

As I thought about how to approach the conversation I wanted to make sure that Devin knew that if he chose to fight back against a bully that I would not be upset. I wanted him to feel empowered to defend himself; to be the warrior when he needed to be. So I told him this and also said, "Next time a bully does something like that I want you to stand up to him and punch him in the nose as hard as you can! And if that doesn't stop him, I want you to punch him again and again until he stops. It is the only way this kid will learn! Sometimes you have to fight back. Do you understand what I am saying?"

He responded elusively "Yeah Dad, I understand." Since we have always taught him not to hit, I read into his response that he really wasn't sure that he had the green light to do this. So I stressed again the fact that he would be in trouble for defending himself. He again said he understood what I was saying.

However, I could tell that whatever I was saying to him it was causing him some conflict as he contemplated it deeply in his mind. So I tried a different approach. I said, "I know you have decided not to back down to bullies, and I admire you for that, but why don't you fight back when they are hurting you?"

He immediately began to cry (again, his Abba gave him a tender heart). I reached over and squeezed his knee and said, "That's o.k., what's wrong?”

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Dad I can't hit them."

I wanted to say, “What do you mean you can’t? Of course you can, I just said you could!” But I refrained and simply asked why.

Through a shaky voice and tears he simply replied, "Because I don't feel God wants me to. God wants me to love them. And I don't want to hurt them."

I was humbled by his response. God instantly reminded me of the Messiah's teaching in Luke 6:27-38 as I sat there in that moment, experiencing the love of this boy who understood Jesus' teaching at his core. Not because I taught him how to respond this way (obviously), or because he has studied the scriptures and made sense of them, but because he listened to the Spirit of God guiding him in this truth. From his pure heart he understands that God loves him and out of a response and obedience to that love, Devin chooses to love God and love others unconditionally (even the bullies) in return. He has chosen to obey his heavenly Father over me, his earthly father, in this truth. And for that, I couldn't be more proud of him.

Thank you Devin for teaching me. For reminding me of what my clay heart has grown weary to. I look forward to many more lessons from you.

No posts makes mikezook.com a dull blog

Work has been very time consuming the last couple of weeks. Long days, long meetings, no time to think outside of cabinets.....

Check out Devin's World. He is going to play the trumpet next year. And, I think Amazing Grace on the recorder at 7AM Saturday morning was loud.....can't wait!!

He also studied the South and Louis Armstrong at the end of school this year. He posted a few videos of Louis on his site. Devin loves watching Louis' face when he sings in the video with Johnny Cash (which is the second video). I don't know what's funnier for me to watch, Louis' face or watching Devin belly laugh while he watches Louis sing.