Have you ever been stuck in between something, not sure how to move in any given direction, whether it's forward, backward, sideways, whatever way?
I was reading Shane Claiborne's book, "Jesus For President" and he was writing about the parable found in Matthew 13:3-8.
3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
Shane was talking about the blessing of the world through the people of God is not like a violent, quick revolution that takes over power. It starts small, grows silently, faces setbacks, but nevertheless permeates the world with love. Then he made this comment which really hit close to home, "That's difficult for us in a world where we bounce between aggressive impatience and paralyzing cynicism."
Bounce Between Aggressive Impatience and Paralyzing Cynicism!
That's where I am.
Bouncing between these two ominous opponents, stuck in a volley. My wounds keep me there. My humanity is comfortable there. My sin is alive there. And it's not just about learning to patiently love the world, but for me it seems more about being patient with those that call themselves "Christian". Either way it is the same opponents I meet, in every match, that want to knock me back and forth - in between.
I grow impatient with Christians when they choose to live life in the shallowness of their faith and yet I feel like I am paralyzed by my cynicism toward them that I forget to go deeper, further then where I am myself.
Even more, I become a participant in my own opponents game of being impatient and cynical of myself! It is in this self destructive space that the enemy wants me to make agreements with him about who I am and who others are. I have have made these agreements in the past.
However, I hear Jesus declaring redemption on my heart, desiring me to hear his voice of truth about me, to break the agreements I have made with my enemy, and heal me in those spaces. This is my tension that I live in each day as I struggle to push deeper into my God.
So, if I come across as aggressively impatience and/or paralyzingly cynical, know it is not who I fully am called to be, but rather it is my messy spirituality that I am acting out of. And please, trust my heart in this space. Or don't, it's up to you.
